you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
