I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
