Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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