We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
