She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
