Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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