i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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