Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
