where am i from again
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
