I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
