It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There r osticjed everywhere
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
