after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
