you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
