mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
