WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
