I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
