Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
