I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
