I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
