He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize