new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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