id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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