Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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