I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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