are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize