maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
