I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
