Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your cock deserves a montage
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
