I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
