I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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