That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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