yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
