New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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