It's Friday. Sex?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
