Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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