note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I fill condoms, not promises.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
