I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i think i just lost a toe
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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