I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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