We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize