I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
