I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
