you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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