i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize