The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
