I can't breathe out the right side of my face
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
