I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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