Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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