Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize