he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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