He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
