When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
