im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im holly from the hills drunk
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
