where am i from again
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
