Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
