I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
