Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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