You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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