U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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