I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
