Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
