She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
