Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
