There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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