you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
