I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
