I wish my penis had an off switch
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize