Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
