He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
