So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
