Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
