i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
