since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
