It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize