i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
