I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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