were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
