good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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