what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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