I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
