And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
