My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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