im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize