yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
