I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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