I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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