if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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