My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
