Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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