Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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