Me. At least after what I've been through.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
