Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
