Your mouth is God's brothel.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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