And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
