The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
