What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
