Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize