Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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