You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
