True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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