Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
