dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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