Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
