So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yo dont text me then not text me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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