maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize