and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize