I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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